Lay Down Your Old Identity… part 2

Posted on June 17, 2011 by Carl Simmons

Perhaps the most difficult part of laying it down is the most basic—laying down who we’ve been, in order to become the people God created us to be. Many Christians today believe—or at least live as if they believed—that Jesus died solely to forgive them, and that because their messes are now cleaned up they can go on with their lives as if Christ had no further claims upon them. This is, quite simply, not true.

If we have truly placed our lives and trust in Jesus, then we are also already under the same death sentence as Jesus. The tough part is living this out on a daily basis—or rather, dying it out. But that’s what Jesus calls us to do. “Then he said to them all, ‘If anyone wants to become my follower, he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it,but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it’” (Luke 9:23-24, NET).

When we willingly lay down our old selves and serve God as best we know how, we testify—to God, ourselves, and to everyone around us—that we are not the same people we used to be. And God sees and honors that.

There’s any number of powerful stories in the Bible that illustrate this exchanging of lives. Sometimes even the names change. Going back to Genesis, we see Abram become Abraham, Sarai become Sarah, and Jacob become Israel. I want to start with another Old Testament example that comes soon after this, then jump almost 1,500 years forward, to another changed man with another changed name.

At 80 years of age, Moses was a fugitive from the law, “a stranger in a strange land” (Ex. 2:22, KJV). He had gone from being miraculously rescued and raised in Pharoah’s household to a rebel who murdered an Egyptian on behalf of a people who immediately rejected him. And now, he seemed destined to live out his days in obscurity in Midian. By most people’s measure, he was a failure and would die that way. But God had other plans.

In Exodus 3 God calls out to Moses from the burning bush. He calls him to lead an entire nation out of slavery and into the land He had already promised them. But before He gives this call, He asks Moses to do something: “Do not approach any closer! Take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy ground” (Ex. 3:5, NET). Moses obeyed. He honored God. And his life—and the lives of millions—was forever changed because of that.

Fast-forward 40 years… to the man who completes the task of bringing the Israelites into the promised land. Joshua no doubt knew about Moses’ past, but all he’d actually seen was the man God had transformed Moses into. From that perspective, Joshua knew he was no Moses.

Then again, for 80 years, Moses had been no Moses either.

As Joshua approaches Jericho, the last big hurdle to entering the promised land, he too has an encounter with God: “Joshua bowed down with his face to the ground and asked, ‘What does my master want to say to his servant?’ The commander of the Lord’s army answered Joshua, ‘Remove your sandals from your feet, because the place where you stand is holy.’ Joshua did so” (Joshua 5:14-15, NET).

The places where we encounter God are holy. For me, that’s not only included both proverbial and literal mountaintops but also gas stations, empty meeting rooms and my own living room. You have your own experiences. And because we’ve encountered God in these places, they’re special, set-apart places for us.

But it’s not the location itself that’s inherently holy—it’s God’s presence that makes it holy. God is capable of making every place in our lives holy, and wants to.

And likewise, God calls us to come out of slavery—to our sins, our selfish desires, even the good things we have that are nonetheless only a shadow of the better things God wants to give us—and “enter the land” He has promised us. And He calls us to help others do the same.

Let’s fast-forward almost 1,500 years this time, to Jesus’ Last Supper with the disciples. In the middle of the meal, He does something unusual—He gets up, grabs a towel and a washbasin, and begins washing the disciples’ feet. (It’s safe to assume the sandals are already off this time.) Follow what happens next:

“Peter said to him, ‘You will never wash my feet!’ Jesus replied,‘If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.’ Simon Peter said to him, ‘Lord, wash  not only my feet, but also my hands and my head!’” (John 13:8-9, NET).

Simon—who Jesus renamed Peter—protested, because he knew who he had been, and who in many ways he still was. He knew how unworthy he was of Jesus. But Jesus knew that, too. Furthermore, He knew what would happen to Him later that evening. He knew how badly Peter—all the disciples—would fail Him. But more importantly, Jesus didn’t care. Jesus’ priority was not the disciples’ past, present and future failings. What mattered most of all to Jesus, at that moment, was that the disciples take off their sandals and be served—cleansed—by Him.

What Jesus says to Peter, and to all of us, is: It doesn’t matter who you’ve been, what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter how big a screw-up you are now—and no doubt will be in the future. What matters is: Will you hand over your life—all of your life, including the screw-ups—to Me, so I can begin this incredible lifelong reclamation project called Your Life in Me?

And in case they missed the point, and it’s likely they did, an hour or so later Jesus tells his disciples this: “No one has greater love than this—that one lays down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that remains, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you” (John 15:13-16, NET).

This is where a changed life really begins. Especially at first we want, and need, to make laying down about the “negative” stuff—the things we know we need to give up for Christ’s sake. And that’s where we’re spending most of this first week. But if we focus only on what we need to give up, it’ll probably never happen. We’re overwhelmed by the task. We know we can’t do it. Therefore, we must also grab onto what Jesus promises each of us if we’re willing to lay down everything for Him. We need to remember who we are, now—Jesus’ friends.

We want to justify ourselves before God, to make ourselves worthy. It will never happen. It can never happen. So let go of it. The good news is: Jesus has made us worthy us. He has cleansed us. He has laid down His life for us. Jesus has chosen us because He has chosen us. And because of Jesus, that is enough.

Lay It Down Today

Got shoes on? Take them off. (Or wait for a time when you can do this later on.) Reflect on those places where you know God has already met you, and thank Him for those encounters. Pray a prayer of consecration—something like, “Lord, You have created everything and everything was created to be holy, separated unto You. I want to honor you everywhere I put down my feet, starting in this place. Help me to let go of the person I’ve been, so that I might become the person You intend me to be.”

Then, don’t forget you prayed this. Watch what God does with that prayer in the weeks to come.

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The Cost of Discipleship: megachurch edition

Posted on June 15, 2011 by Carl Simmons

Still waiting on that other new book. Fortunately, Keith Meyer (he of Whole Life Transformation) hooked me up with this new one in the meantime, and I’m glad he did. In some ways, it’s similar to the journey Keith took with Church of the Open Door, but frankly it sounds like this particular story has been more radical — or at least more difficult, as its subtitle readily implies.

Kent Carlson and Mike Lueken. Renovation of the Church: What Happens When a Seeker Church Discovers Spiritual Formation. Introduction by Dallas Willard. Softcover, 192p., $15.00. IVP Books.

The short version: Carlson and Lueken, co-pastors of Oak Hills Church in Folsom, California, share the 25-year history of what started as a seeker-sensitive church; then share in depth about the past 10 years, when leadership as a whole recognized the need for make spiritual formation the church’s central focus; then address the challenges the church faces to this day in getting the congregation on board and growing.

Carlson describes the dilemma, “Gradually, we began to get some clarity on a troubling truth: attracting people to church based on their consumer demands is in direct and irredeemable conflict with inviting people, in Jesus’ words, to lose their lives in order to find them.… We began to realize that our current church structure was actually working against the invitation of Christ to experience his authentic transformation.”

Lueken adds, “We had built a thriving church, but we were not becoming better people in whom Christ was being formed.”

One painfully visible consequence of this shift: What had been a “small megachurch” of 1,700 now stands at 750. The authors readily confess that this drop is largely due to their own inadvertent bait-and-switch—in Carlson’s words, “In order to help people follow Christ more fully, we would have to work against the very methods we were using to attract people to our church.”

So, that’s their story. How well does the book itself work? Depends on what you’re looking to get from it:

• Carlson and Lueken’s desire to change—and their reasons for it—are altogether inspiring.
• They’re also refreshingly honest about their mistakes and challenges—some variation on the phrases “we’re still working on it” or “we didn’t have an answer” comes up often.
• And they’re a bit frustrating in translating what they’ve learned into terms that could help the rest of us.

So let’s give some examples of those latter issues first, then work back up. Later in the book, the authors break down some of the current practices at Oak Hills especially regarding outreach and worship, but most of said practices don’t seem all that unique. Not that it makes them bad, obviously; it just makes it hard to visualize where the major paradigm shift is occurring, and how the clearly personal transformation among Oak Hills’ leadership has been inculcated into the congregation (although the shift in focus on quality of content over style of worship was helpful to point out).

Elsewhere, the authors mention a curriculum they use with their congregation… and then move on. I would have really liked to have heard more about that. There also was talk about the use of solitude and silence within the congregation; again, I liked the idea and really would have liked to have seen it fleshed out more here.

The one innovation, if you will, that did jump out and seemed immediately applicable was the “One Thing” small groups—a roughly year-long commitment where members are devoted to helping each other address one specific spiritual-formation/character issue in each of their lives.

Moving on… I appreciated Lueken’s confession that, as a result of this shift in focus from outward growth to inward transformation, “Evangelism is [now] the weakest part of our [once seeker-friendly] church,” then using that point to emphasize the importance of finding a balance between spiritual formation, mission and evangelism.

But as both authors point out, once the shift from seeker-sensitivity/performance to spiritual formation occurs, having all the answers and having them now isn’t the most important thing anymore. In probably the most insightful passage of the book, Lueken puts it this way:

“Perhaps our greatest lesson from the past decade is that it is spiritually formative to be dissatisfied and unable to resolve that dissatisfaction. In fact, there is hardly a better catalyst for transformation than to not get what we want. Sitting in the dissatisfaction, without frantically trying to resolve it, can do wonders for a human soul.

“When we don’t get what we want, we are more acutely aware of eternity. We are more apt to remember God. We learn what it really means to trust him.”

A big way of trusting God that the authors had tackle head-on was their own sense of ambition. Numbers meant accomplishment; sacrificing those numbers also meant relying on God. One practical step Carlson and Lueken took in addressing this issue was to become co-pastors (originally, Carlson was founding and senior pastor; Lueken had come on some time later as spiritual formation pastor after a failed church plant — another hard lesson about ambition). The story of their deepening friendship while working together as equals runs throughout the book.

And I personally enjoyed Carlson’s recount of the early days of planting Oak Hills—if “enjoyed” is the right word. Perhaps “brotherly groan of recognition” is better. I had to laugh when he said, “I hated [going door to door]. I can’t think of a person who came to our church because of all that door knocking.”

So that’s it, in a nutshell. I  leave it for you to discover the rest—not least of all, more thoughts about consumerism and God’s meaning of success. So go do it.

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Living in the Spirit… or not….

Posted on June 15, 2011 by Carl Simmons

Got some fruit handy? Go grab some right now. Try to grab more than one of the same kind; grapes are ideal for this little meditation. Take a few moments to really look your fruit over. Then, look over the following two quotes:

“But I say, live by the Spirit and you will not carry out the desires of the flesh. For the flesh has desires that are opposed to the Spirit, and the Spirit has desires  that are opposed to the flesh, for these are in opposition to each other, so that you cannot do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law….  [T]he fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, and  self-control. Against such things there is no law” (Gal. 5:16-18, 22-23, NET).

“It is interesting that the Bible talks of the fruit of the Spirit rather than the fruits. A tree may bear many apples, but all come from the same tree. In the same way, the Holy Spirit is the source of all fruit in our lives.”—Billy Graham

So: Which of the fruit (or fruits) listed in Galatians do you think are most evident in your life right now? Which ones could use a little more fertilizer? How come?

Now, let’s come back to your fruit. Some of them are riper, some are smaller, some may even be a bit discolored, but they’re all fruit, and they all came from the same source. They didn’t grow by themselves, and they didn’t grow completely apart from one another. The same is true of us. As Christians, we all belong to Jesus, and whatever spiritual growth we have—whether individually, as a group, or as the church—comes from being connected to the Holy Spirit.

Go ahead and eat your fruit if you’d like; and while you’re at it, chew on these questions, too:

• How does living by the Spirit help us produce the fruit of the Spirit?
• Practically speaking, what does it mean to live by the Spirit? What does that actually look like? Think of some ways right now.

The Bible says the Spirit’s already within those who believe in Jesus (Romans 8:9). Since that’s true, you’d think it’d be pretty easy to connect and live life in the Spirit in all those ways you came up with, right?

But a lot of times, we still feel disconnected from the Spirit—like we’re going through the motions and we’re not sure whether we’re really living life in the Spirit. And sometimes—let’s be honest—we choose not to listen to what the Spirit’s trying to tell us.

Many times, though, we’re just not very good at recognizing when the Spirit’s trying to guide us. We haven’t properly trained our “spiritual ears,” so to speak, to listen for the Spirit. And that’s where we’re starting today. Here’s a couple more questions to think about:

• How would you explain to a friend who the Holy Spirit is and what the Spirit does?
• What would you like someone to explain to you about the Spirit?

Read the following passages aloud. But don’t just read them—act them out, raise your voice, get out of your chair, do whatever it takes to fully convey the meaning here. Be persuasive, convicting, transforming—whatever this passage says the Spirit does, try to emulate it. Better yet, do this with a friend or more. By the way, you might want to put some space between you and whoever’s nearby—it could get loud!

• John 14:25-26
• John 16:7-14
• Acts 1:4-8
• Romans 8:26-27
• 1 Corinthians 2:9-15
• 2 Corinthians 3:7-9, 16-18
• Galatians 4:6-7
• Ephesians 1:13-14

Got it out of your system? Good. Hope you had a little fun, even if it was a little embarrassing. Now you can go back to being serious. Get settled back into you chair and think through these questions:

• Out of these attributes of the Spirit, which ones have you seen at work in your own life? Which ones are new or still kind of hard for you to grasp?
• All acting aside, how can other people help us understand how (or when) the Spirit’s trying to guide us?
• On the other hand, how can others get in the way of us hearing what the Spirit’s trying to tell us?
• How can we better train our “spiritual ears” so we really know whether it’s the Spirit who’s trying to guide us? What would that look like in your own life?

One more quote from Galatians, and it’s likely you’ve seen this sort of thing go wrong in person: “The only thing I want to learn from you is this: Did you receive the Spirit by doing the works of the law or by believing what you heard?  Are you so foolish? Although you began with the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by human effort? Have you suffered so many things for nothing?—if indeed it was for nothing. Does God then give  you the Spirit and work miracles among you by your doing the works of the law  or by your believing what you heard?” (Gal. 3:2-5. NET).

This is a tough passage, but let’s start positive and end positive. And I’ll see you tomorrow…..

• Was there a time in your life that you can now remember and say, “Yeah, the Spirit had to have been in that”? What was that like?
• On the other hand, when have you seen a person or church “[begin] with the Spirit,” then “[try] to finish by human effort?” In the words of Dr. Phil, how did that work out?
• Let’s take that to another level: How do you take—or how have you taken—things out of the Spirit’s hands in your own life? Why do you think you’ve done it?
• What’s one way you need to trust the Holy Spirit to work and bear fruit in your life? Who can help you do that?

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Uncovering Our Blind Spots

Posted on June 13, 2011 by Carl Simmons

Think about your last trip down the highway… the last time you tried to switch lanes, then suddenly had to swerve back because someone in your blind spot was coming up, fast. Not a great feeling, was it? You know, aside from the relief of not getting killed….

Now, think about another kind of a blind spot, the kind that’s been uncovered in your own life—something good or bad that you were incapable of seeing. What (or who) helped you finally discover it? Why do you think it stayed hidden for so long?

Almost all of us have had blind spots in our lives that God’s unveiled to us, and in many cases He’s used others who care about us to reveal those things. It may have been a wonderful a-ha moment for us, where the light suddenly came on. On the other hand, it might have been painful or even made us angry at first, but once we’d gotten past our reactions we realized we’d been done a huge favor.

And we’re called to return the favor. Perhaps the most critical role in growing others is getting them past their blind spots, so they can see the people God’s created them to be, and finally get on with becoming that person.

Rick Warren put it like this: “There is no growth without change; no change without loss; no loss without pain. But the pain is temporary, and the growth is eternal. God is more concerned with our character than with our comfort.”

So let’s reflect again on those times when God’s brought change into our lives. What are some of the ways God’s used to get through to you—including ones others have used with you as they were led by God? Write them down, if you have paper handy. Then reflect on your list. It’s likely you’ll see a variety of ways that the light has come on in the past—and you’ll probably be surprised in the future, too. After all, if you weren’t surprised, it wouldn’t be a blind spot.

God will use anything and anyone to get through to us. And that’s because, for many of us, our biggest blind spot is the inability to grasp how much God loves us. But the truth is, God is cheering us on. He’s pushing us forward. And God is committed to helping us overcome every obstacle we face—even when that obstacle is us.

God doesn’t have our limits, but He wants us to trust Him to overcome those limits we have—or, often more to the point, the limits we’ve placed upon ourselves that God never intended to be there.

So let’s look at how God says He sees all of us—the people we already are in Christ, whether we fully believe it or not—so we can help others see it, too. Check out these Bible passages below:

• Romans 8:31-39
• Ephesians 2:4-10
• 2 Peter 1:3-9
• 1 John 3:1-3

And now, answer this question both scripturally and experientially: Who are you in Jesus? In other words: What does God tell you through his Word, and what has God shown you about the person He’s created you to be?

One more passage: “And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit  intercedes on behalf of the saints according to God’s will. And we know that all things work together  for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose, because those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters…. If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Romans 8:27-29, 31, NET).

So let’s put all this together:

• How does understanding how God sees us, and knowing He’ll use whatever we give Him to work with, help us move past whatever we’re facing in life right now?
• How can seeing and remembering God’s love and power in your life help free others to see it in their lives? 

This blog is dedicated to helping others grow into the people God’s created them to be, just as God’s already grown us. But we’re always growing, too. There’s always new challenges we need to face and allow God (and others) to help us through. And sometimes things we’d thought we’d overcome return to haunt us in a different way—or even in ways we thought we were done with. There’s a good chance you’re facing a situation right now, where you’re wondering what God wants you to do next.

Therefore, let’s step back and reflect: Is there an area where you’re having problems continuing in Christ’s love right now?

Let’s take time now to prepare ourselves, so God can better use us to prepare those we care about as well. In fact, allow me to lead you in a little prayer. Let it sink in, and I’ll see you Wednesday:

Lord, we’re willing to change. Change us, as You need to. If we’re in the right place right now and just need to see that, show us. If we’re not, show us our blind spots. Use those people we care about to help us see Your hand.

Lord, guide us. Help us to only take on what You want us to take on. Help us to see everything as an opportunity for growth, no matter what the earthly outcome is.

You love those we love far more than ever can. Help us to see that their lives are already in Your hands. Use us as you see fit. Help us to let go when it’s Your turn to work. Help us each to experience the love of Jesus, even though we can’t understand how truly great that is. But begin to complete us in all the fullness of Your life and power. And help us to trust that Your mighty power can work within and through us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Lord, help us to trust You with every part of our lives, and helps us to love others the way Jesus did—and does. Amen.

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Lay Down Your Reputation: a fragment

Posted on June 10, 2011 by Carl Simmons

I was recently hanging out in a wildlife area of Colorado, where informative plaques abounded. One in particular caught my eye, highlighting families who’d owned ranches where this area now stood, in the late 19th/early 20th centuries. It got me thinking about all the different ways we come up with to “historically” immortalize ordinary people after they’re gone—and by “ordinary” I mean people we wouldn’t think twice about if they were standing in front of us right now, because they’d be roughly as accomplished or smart or likeable as us. But because they’re no longer with us, we find ways to keep them alive, to highlight the importance we didn’t especially recognize while they were still alive—to resurrect their memories, if you will.

I think we do this, at least on some unconscious level, because we inwardly recognize our deep desire to keep ourselves alive a little longer, even beyond our own time on earth. We believe and hope that people will remember us after we’re gone. We want our lives to have mattered to someone, to have been significant in some way. And even far too many of us among the living don’t feel that. In fact, “the need for significance” gets an unusual amount of play in the church today. You might be feeling that need right now, in fact.

And that’s apparent in the reputations we try to keep—whether it’s a good name or at least a bad enough name that people will remember it. We want to be loved or respected, or at least feared or hated—even if peoples’ feelings are really being directed more toward a persona with our name attached to it than a representation of who we really are and what really matters to us. Either way, however, if we’re not careful, eventually those reputations will own us, rather than the reverse.

And I think that’s one of the biggest reasons that God calls us to lay our reputations down. Not because we need to grovel before God and make absolutely sure He’s higher than us, but because our reputations, no matter how legitimate they might be, become a way of securing and encasing ourselves in a human love that—even when that’s genuine—is less than God’s love for us.

Thomas Merton, in New Seeds of Contemplation, described it as “winding experiences around myself… like bandages in order to make myself perceptible to myself and to the world, as if I were an invisible body that could only become visible when something visible covered its surface.”

As soon as we begin to rest in our own accomplishments and others’ perceptions of them, we drift away from the Spirit. Walk into almost any long-established church or denomination if you need further proof.

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Getting Your Small Group Where God Wants It

Posted on June 9, 2011 by Carl Simmons

I’m still on hold with the new stuff, so one more blast from the past…. This isn’t a brand-new book — it’s a couple years old now, actually — but it’s certainly fresh even if it’s not new.

• Finding the Flow: A Guide for Leading for Small Groups and Gatherings. Tara Miller and Jenn Peppers. Book, 240p., $17.00. IVP Connect.

Don’t let the subtitle fool you — it’s not incorrect, but it’s not the kind of book you might think it is. It’s not a how-to book. It is, however, a what-to and why-to book. Rather than prescribing a strategy for small groups, Tara Miller and Jenn Peppers lay out the elements that make a small group successful… then point out that it’s not going to look the same for every group… then help you make the choices that will work best for your group. And that’s a far more practical approach, in the long run.

From the outset, Miller and Peppers affirm that lots of small-group models work. The trick, they suggest, is finding an approach that accurately reflects the values of your group. Both the opening section and the appendixes are built to help you think through what you and your group really value. From there, building your group becomes a much more natural process.

Another huge point the authors make early on is: While there’s a variety of ways to get there, if the focus isn’t squarely on a hunger for God (rather than on group needs), things will eventually fall apart. That one hit me square between the eyes.

Other sections cover such meaty topics as stages of group life, learning how to listen to God and others, asking questions that go deep rather than lead to obvious answers, dealing with conflict, and developing new leaders.

Peppered throughout each chapter (no pun intended) are many “Do This” suggestions — little ideas you can try either on your own or with your group. As you take these measured risks, your group life will almost certainly be enriched.

Even though it’s a small-group resource, I’ve already gotten this into the hands of one church planter who wanted to start things right with his core team. The principles in this book very much work in that context as well.

Whether you’re starting a small-group ministry or looking to grow your leaders (and yourself) in a meaningful way, this is a great book to help you face the issues that every small-group ministry comes up against. For more info about the book and other related resources, visit www.findingtheflow.org.

An earlier version of this review first appeared on smallgroupministry.com.

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We’re In This Together

Posted on June 8, 2011 by Carl Simmons

We often tend to expect more from other Christians, don’t we? Just about as often, though, these expectations set us up for a fall. Scripture in fact says we’re all fallen people. We’re going to let each other down. It’s inevitable. We’re all lost causes without Jesus.

The trick, then, isn’t simply to pursue relationships with other Christians, but to pursue Jesus together as Christians. The two things sound similar, but there’s all the difference in the world between them. When Jesus is the focus, suddenly all those little things that often get in the way of our relationships don’t seem so important. When we pursue Jesus together, our relationships naturally become closer and deeper, because we’re letting Jesus set the tone. And Jesus is never going to steer us the wrong way.

So let’s dig into this, starting with Acts 1:6-11. Let’s stop for a few moments and try to picture this: One minute Jesus is right there with his apostles—the people He’s entrusted to share His life and message with the rest of the world—and the next, He’s gone. And on top of that, two men in white clothing, presumably angels, show up and in essence say, “What are you doing, just standing there?” How do you think the apostles felt at that moment?

And for that matter, in what ways do you feel (or have felt) like you’re “just standing there” in your Christian walk, waiting for Jesus to tell you what to do?

Cut to Acts 1:12-17 and 21-26. How did Jesus’ followers respond, once they got past their initial shock? A number of ways—they go back to “the scene of the crime,” Jerusalem, to the same upstairs room many believe the Last Supper with Jesus had been held; they pray together “with one mind”; they choose a replacement for Judas Iscariot.In short, they get on with the work they do know Jesus left them to do. And they do it together. And we see the much bigger fruits of that obedience in Acts 2.

Now, think about what that’s looked like in your own lives. How does knowing other Christians you can trust and share your struggles with—no matter what kind of struggles they are—help you to stop “just standing there” and move forward? When has someone who’s been through the same trials really been there for you (or when have your trials helped you help someone else)? Who do you know right now who’s not only your friend but who pushes you closer to Jesus?

I hope there isn’t dead silence at the other end after those last couple questions. But if so, that’s OK. This is huge. We need to find answers if we don’t already have them. As William Barclay put it, “It has been said that true friendship begins only when people share a common memory and can say to each other, ‘Do you remember?’ Each of us is one of a great fellowship of people who share a common experience and a common memory of their Lord.”

If you have a small group, try this activity with them. Trust me, it works: Get a pile of ice cubes. Get everyone to take one ice cube, and then stand in a circle. If there are more than 12 people, form groups of six to eight for this experience. Hold hands with the people on either side of you, and hold the ice in between your hands. Hold hands tightly—with the ice in between—until the ice completely melts. Don’t let go. It’s going to get cold, but remember, you’re all in this together! When the ice has fully melted, drop hands. Blow on them, rub them together, get your circulation back. Then discuss:

• What was it like as you held onto the ice—and it got colder? Did it make it better or worse to know that you were all going through the same thing? Explain.
• How does standing together with others help us to keep Jesus a priority in our lives, even (or maybe especially) when things are tough?
• If you could ask this group for advice or prayer on just one thing right now, what would it be?
• Who right now would you really like to develop a spiritual relationship with? Not just a friendship, but a relationship in which Jesus is the important person in it?

Go make it happen. And may God bless you as you move forward together.

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I Don’t Understand…. But I’m Not Leaving

Posted on June 6, 2011 by Carl Simmons

Who’s the most offbeat friend you’ve ever had? How has your friendship with that person influenced both of you?

And for that matter, when have you been the off-beat person in a group? What helped you find the group’s “rhythm” (or did you)?

It’s easy to be there for people we naturally have things in common with. The people you’re invested in right now might be like that. Then again, you might be wondering why God put you with them.

The answer’s the same either way: God always wants us to push beyond simply the natural and into the spiritual, so that our relationships can glorify God on every level.

And the fact is: Not everyone we can’t understand is the off-beat one. We may be the ones who are “off”—at least to them. And that’s OK, too. Some people truly are different; most, though, are simply different from us. The point is, there are people God puts in our lives that we have a hard time getting in synch with—but God’s not letting us off the hook. He’s put those people in our lives so he can grow them—and us—in a brand-new way.

The most important thing isn’t that we totally “click” with others, but that we’re willing to push forward and help that other person discover how God’s working in them. God wants to do what God wants to do. Our part is to show up and remain open to God’s leading, even when we don’t fully understand the other person or what God wants to do in him or her. The important thing is: God understands. And when we allow God into those relationships, we have something—and Someone—much greater in common.

Still, challenging people are… well, a challenge. But you’ve been there before, probably more than you know. Think about it:

• When have you felt totally unequipped to help someone else? How were you able to help anyway (or not)?
• When have you felt like you were in a situation no-one else—or maybe even God—understood or could help you with?
• Looking back now, what do you wish you could have helped people understand (or understand more quickly)?

And we’re not alone, either. We have both a helper and an example. “For we do not have a high priest incapable of sympathizing with our weaknesses, but one who has been tempted in every way just as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace whenever we need help” (Hebrews 4:15-16, NET).

Jesus understands our weaknesses, because he faced every one of the same testings we face. And Jesus not only understands us—he also understands the people we’re with, for the same reasons he understands us.

Jesus certainly understood his disciples as well. But the other way around—not so much. And yet, though they dropped the ball sometimes, the disciples ultimately stuck it out with Jesus. And if you’re reading this, you’re probably already a result of that faithfulness. So let’s look at a couple great examples of both the disciples’ confusion and their faithfulness:

“After this many of his disciples quit following him and did not accompany him  any longer. So Jesus said to the twelve, “You don’t want to go away too, do you?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:66-68, NET).

“Then Jesus told them plainly, “Lazarus has died, and I am glad for your sake that I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.” So Thomas (called Didymus)  said to his fellow disciples, “Let us go too, so that we may die with him”(John 11:14-16, NET).

The first passage is one of the most affecting in the Bible for me personally—you can almost hear Jesus’ voice cracking as He asks, “You don’t want to go away too, do you?” The other one, to me at least, is one of the deadpan-funniest passages in the Bible, if also one of the most inspiring (I’m a lot like Thomas). Your turn:

• Where do you see both bewilderment and trust from the disciples here? How do you identify with Peter and/or Thomas?
• Let’s think back to last week’s session on guidance. How does putting the priority on what Jesus is trying to do, rather than our own understanding, help us to help others? How does it grow us?
• How does sticking by someone, even when you can’t understand what they’re dealing with, lead to understanding?

So, here’s a few ideas to consider this week. Try one (or more) out, and see what happens:

• Who don’t you “get” right now that you interact with regularly? Set aside your discomfort and reach out to that person. Start a conversation—even if you have to finish it, too. Take him or her out for coffee. Discover what you do have in common, and begin building on it.

• Who in your family totally bewilders you? You know who it is. Make time with him or her this week, and just listen. Then, take time to pray with him or her. Really pray. Pray with as much understanding as you have, and ask God to give each of you more understanding. And fully trust that God will provide it (James 1:5-6).

• Who’s your most off-beat friend right now? Enter further into his or her world this week. Set a time to get with that person, but let him or her set the agenda for how you’ll spend that time. (Use common sense, but give him or her permission to take you out of your comfort zone.) You’ll learn more about that person, and maybe even discover you like that activity you’d been avoiding.

• If there’s a church that worships differently from yours—either because of its doctrine, tradition or size—go check them out as a group. Don’t go to analyze or critique (let alone criticize) how they do things, but go seeking to understand and worship alongside other members of the Body of Christ. You just might discover something you’ll want to add to your own worship time together.

Ask God to help you commit to the “off-beat” people He’s put in your life, and to help you become better friends with them, even as you work on understanding them better. Ask for humility to understand how God wants to use these people to enrich your life as well—maybe far more than you enrich theirs.

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a fragment of Lay Down Your Pride

Posted on June 3, 2011 by Carl Simmons

I’ll keep this one short today, but expect I’ll be coming back to this theme—and this passage—repeatedly….

A couple of weeks back we looked at the idea of laying down our thought lives—how to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. Since I didn’t use that passage at the time—and it’s been my life passage since before I was a Christian—let’s go there now, and even use the King James version I first read it in:

“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

For a guy like myself who enjoys being in his head in the first place, that’s actually a pretty easy idea to fall in love with. (Although I would dare suggest that extroverts are in their heads every bit as much as introverts are—they just want the rest of us in there, too.) And it’s a good one for my non-conformist bent, too—in fact, when I first read this as an I-believe-in-God-but-I’ll be-anything-but-a-Christian 30 years ago, I immediately sat down and wrote an essay on the power of saying “no.” And there’s been even better reasons to love this verse in the quarter-century-plus since becoming a Christian.

But in practice, at least, I also enjoy forgetting that Romans 12:2 is immediately preceded by Romans 12:1 (emphasis mine):

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”

In the weeks to come, we’ll explore this idea of being a living sacrifice more.   But suffice to say for now: Nothing kills pride faster than having to sacrifice our outward selves.

And it comes back to this idea from a few weeks back: We can believe in our heads all we want, but until we believe to the point that we’re willing to lay our lives down first, all our head-belief adds up to less than nothing.

Stay tuned… because we all need to get better at this.

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The Truth About “The Naked Truth…”

Posted on June 2, 2011 by Carl Simmons

While I’m waiting for the book I was planning on reviewing this week, here’s a blast from the not-so-distant past that’s well worth your time…..

• Randall Neighbour. The Naked Truth About Small Group Ministry: When It Won’t Work and What to Do About It.  Softcover, 256p., $20.99. Touch Publications.

Randall Neighbour has an unusual but appropriate message for pastors: If you’re looking to fix what’s wrong in your church, don’t expect small groups to accomplish that. But if you’re looking to make a healthy church healthier, get going!

“In many churches,” Neighbour correctly points out, “the lead pastor uses small groups to support the larger corporate gathering. Or, he views small groups as one option among many for church involvement.” Both views, he says, are bad reasons to be doing small-group ministry — they end up overwhelming the leader and not engaging the rest of the group.

Neighbour advocates a more organic approach, where the focus is on the sense of community being created within the small groups, rather than as a church-support system or just another ministry among many. And he extends this idea into his approach for creating a small-group ministry as well.

Rather than launch a church-wide initiative as most churches do, Neighbour suggests the exact opposite: Start with one pilot/prototype group. Find out what works and what doesn’t before unleashing a small-group ministry upon the rest of your church. First get it right, then let the rest of the church catch the vision. “Launching a number of groups when you’ve never had experience launching one healthy group makes no sense.”

Likewise, when launching, Neighbour recommends starting with one new group. This gives leaders a chance to develop naturally, and as well as allows time for ministry champions to develop so they can transition from leaders to coaches.

There’s a huge emphasis on relationship-building through this book, as well there should be. Perhaps Neighbour’s most forceful point (and he’s got a lot of them) is: If you’re not willing to make a commitment to others — to put yourself in a position where real discipleship can happen — don’t even think about starting a small group. And heck, potential leader, in that case you probably don’t even want to waste your time joining one. To reinforce the seriousness of his message, Neighbour suggests a fairly rigorous discipleship program for both members and leaders.

There’s a lot of good ideas here, especially for established leaders who are trying to figure out how to make their small groups better. (I particularly liked “The Blessing List,” a means to get groups more outsider-focused without viewing others as “targets.”) There’s also a very useful chapter about intergenerational small groups at the end of the book, written by Daphne Kirk. (Great quote: “The small group is not a spiritual ‘date night’ for parents.”)

On the down side of all this good advice is that I suspect a lot of the more uninitiated readers will look at this and say, “If this is what it’s going to take, it’s too much work to even try.” And granted, it might be a good thing to weed out people who aren’t really committed earlier on. But I think potential leaders are also the audience Neighbour’s really trying to reach here, it’s kind of a shame, too.

There’s probably a way to make all these good ideas seem less daunting. After all, it isn’t that hard to throw a party and get group members involved with one another and connect them with “outsiders.” And there’s plenty of good materials out there to help groups find a sense of mission without it becoming (Neighbour’s own words, and methodology) “boot camp.” And being a real friend to your other group members, while absolutely essential and all-too-absent in a lot of small-group ministries, isn’t something you’re going to learn in any book.

In short, get the book for the ideas and the vision, because they’re well worth reading. Just don’t let yourself get overwhelmed by all the do’s and don’ts here, or feel obligated to do things the exact same way.

On the other hand, if you are up for using The Naked Truth… as the textbook for your burgeoning small-group ministry and feel your church can handle the rigor, by all means go for it! It’s good stuff.

An earlier version of this review was originally published on smallgroupministry.com.

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