This post’s for me. But you can help. A lot.
First, thank you for following along. With the last few entries earlier this week, I’ve completed the first draft of Lay It Down: The Life Jesus Has Always Wanted. It’s already begun doing its rounds with publishers and we’ll see where God takes it from here. (BTW, I’m considering dropping the more provocative/ornery subtitle and going with the perhaps more accurate A Journey Into Trust. But I’ll go with whatever the marketing department deems best.)
Which bring us to our question above: Now what?
Certainly I’ll still be writing more reviews, as well as more random entries. But “Now what?” is really a much bigger question than what happens on this blog. Let me elaborate….
This weekend, I went on a men’s retreat at Ravenscrest Chalet (Torchbearers International) in Estes Park, and I needed it in the worst way. I didn’t know anyone else there going in, and I was OK with that. I got to hear stories of what God’s doing in people’s lives, and the struggles they’re facing; and either just listen and be humbled and/or help them talk/pray it through, respectively.
In short, I got to be with a group of men who were earnestly seeking God. And I realized how much I missed that.
A little more than 18 months ago, I was creating adult resources/small-group materials at a Christian publishing company — theoretically, my dream job (or at least to close it — I’m still keeping an eye on my dream company). And let’s be entirely fair here: Through any number of serendipitous events, I got the opportunity to create something I never would have gotten the opportunity to create otherwise. And that’s not nothing.
However, a number of bad decisions – both businesswise and (I’d argue) theologically — led to the dismissal of myself and many of the people I cared most about there, close to 30 in all. (Interestingly, Lay It Down was first conceived about 24 hours before that all went down. I guess God knew I’d need something to hang onto.)
Mind you, even 5 1/2 years earlier, it was clear fairly early on that in this professed “open door”/”egalitarian” company, there were sectors where I would never really be welcome. Still, others equally “outside the camp” were many of the finest people I’ve ever known (and again, most of them were victims of the same layoffs).
I am at least working steadily again, and am thankful that I at least have a job (and especially with God’s timing, as unemployment was abruptly and inexplicably cut off just days after I accepted the position). Still, more often than not I feel like an exile. I’ve lost something — a lot — by being cut off from people pursuing God earnestly, and interacting with them on a daily basis. Even if, as speaker/Torchbearers director Chris Thomas put it this weekend, “the back of the [ministry] loom isn’t pretty,” it’s still taking part in weaving a tapestry.
And thus, once I had some alone time Saturday night, I found myself saying — pretty much choking out — the following prayer: “Lord, is it too much to ask to have that kind of community and a job with a purpose?”
So thus, I put that question out to you. I know you guys have connections, and a few of you may even have openings. And I figure putting out an APB here is as good a place as any to start. Not that I haven’t been looking for 18+ months now — and trust me, I’ve interviewed with and been turned down (sometimes repeatedly) by the best — but this weekend just reinforced where my heart really is at, and that’s it’s not just “the thrill of the chase” or even the need for validation. Not that those aren’t present — I am what I am — but now I know in my hearts of hearts that I truly want this, and that it’s right to want it. So I’m asking, with the hope that I shall receive.
So thank you in advance for your help. And again, thank you for tuning in.